Challenges, set backs, bad days / It makes you stronger

Hello, everyone!

Oh boy! Yesterday, I was having a bad day, kinda. As some of you know I am currently dealing with the government regarding my debt. They will help me out of the mess that I am in right now and it hasn’t been easy at all. But anyway, I was ranting about it in my vlog from two days ago, on how they keep confirming it and then after they do they unconfirm it because they need more information. It has been going back and forth like that the past year.

And it frustrates me, because dealing with that is blocking my personal growth, because I have been dealing with my anxiety, depression, etc. for the past three years. The past couple of months I have been feeling good, feeling like I am headed somewhere, thinking the situation with the government is under control… until two days ago when I received a letter in the mail stating they need more information, when I thought it was all good for now. It created weight on my shoulders again and yesterday I was having a little moment of stress again, which made me emotional again, which led me crying in myself again.

I called my parents last night and I was explaining to my dad that I felt uneasy again about stuff. After a nice comforting talk and a little cry fest, I managed to gather my strength again and let it be.

Another thing that put me off guard was a critisizing comment someone left on my vlog, when I was ranting about this whole situation. I know and I am aware of the fact that I put my life online. I share everything, from my history of psychosis to depression to anxiety. And that’s my choice. I have been doing that for years and getting negative feedback comes with the package. I shouldn’t pay much attention to that, but I can’t help but be bothered about it. I try to think about how it only makes me stronger in the end. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But sometimes people’s critisism is based on only few things people gather from watching my vlogs, and even reading my blog. I try to respond back in a normal way and explain my point of view. People shouldn’t judge when they don’t fully understand the situation,  but it is what it is. People have and are allowed to have their opinions.

I feel a bit better now, especially when I had a little cry fest last night. This afternoon I have an appointment with my counselor to discuss what we can do with this situation. I also e-mailed my therapist last night saying that I was dragged into a little dip of sorrows and that I want another session with him as soon as possible.

It’s a tiny little set back I had to go through and I learned (from Iyanla Vanzant) that it’s just another lesson for me. Challenges, set backs, bad day… these things happen. And it only makes me stronger in the end.

After my meeting this afternoon I am going to my parents and hang there for a bit. Having some quality time with the folks. I will be fine. I refuse to fail! I will get my groove back again real soon. Because I am willing to! I recognize the pattern, I know what I do. One day my time will come. I believe… I believe!